I never thought I’d say this, but I’m actually quite glad to be done with the holidays. I haven’t kept yom tov in several years, and it just gets to be a bit much over this time of year, since pretty much every other day is either chag or Shabbat. That being said, chagim in Israel are nothing short of amazing. It’s just difficult to keep 2 days when everyone around you is only keeping one, (those of us planning to go back to America still have to keep 2 even though in Israel they keep 1 – there’s an explanation for that, but too boring to go into here, so Wikipedia it or something if you’re not familiar,) not to mention the constant overflow of food. I love food, especially holiday food. But after a good two weeks of constant holiday food, it gets....gluttonous. My stomach will probably only forgive me after a good dose of walking up and down the zillions of steps in Har Nof.
So, to recap. The last few days have been constant polar extremes. Last week, we had a big party with all the girls from my school called a Simchat Beit Hashoeva, which is a celebration you can have any night of Succot, and involves lots of eating, dancing, singing, drinking, and general enjoyment out in a great big succah. I gave a dvar torah about Succot, and it actually went really well – a lot of girls came up to me afterwards to tell me I really inspired them, somehow, even though I mostly talked about a scary experience I had when I was young involving a succah and bricks falling from the sky. (remember that one Dad and David? Good times.) Anyway that’s what I associate with Succot, so somehow I managed to turn that story into a meaningful lesson involving protection and happiness and opposites attracting and unconditional love and trust. I spoke in front of about 50 people, including all the teachers at my school, so it was pretty scary at first, but then I got into it, and ended up right back in my old high school debate team mode. I remember back then, I would always feel really sick right before we went in to the room, and then once I started speaking, it all just fit together and came out right. Also, I always had Liat by my side to make sure I didn’t screw up too much, so that was helpful. ;) The rest of the party was great – reminded me a bit of freshman seminar, for any of you who get that reference. We ended up sitting on the floor and singing together, and just kind of feeling the happiness of the holiday.
The next day, Friday, I went to Moshav Modi’in for Shabbat. This place deserves an entire blog post of its own. It’s basically a little community of 40 families (no one else is allowed to move in, even their own children, which is now becoming a problem since the originators are getting older and they need a way of ensuring continuity,) that was created about 30 years ago by followers of Shlomo Carlebach, a Rabbi who inspired many people through song and stories and love. That kind of thing worked quite well in the 60’s. Pretty much everyone there is a hippy of some sort – this one sells health food, this one does aromatherapy, this guy plays guitar for a living, this lady makes natural tampons (I kid you not). They all sing, all the time, and dance as often as they can. The kids who grew up there are all around my age now, so they are the new generation, and it’s really interesting to see the differences between the parents who started it, who actually knew Shlomo and who had the dream and the vision, (as well as the marijuana I’m sure,) and their children, who basically just all grew up together as one big happy family. The kids are all as close as brothers and sisters, and they all just seem incredibly happy. The moshav is located about 5 minutes outside of Modi’in which is a big city, so they all went to normal schools and are part of normal life in Israel, serving in the army, having regular social lives, etc. The only difference is really that they lived in a place that feels like a great big summer camp. They actually all get together every Shabbat for havdalah to sing in the new week, and it’s really a beautiful experience. And the best part about it, or perhaps the most intriguing for me, was that my mom was actually there when she was about my age for a few summers. I was walking around and hanging out and even sleeping in the same exact places she used to. Some of the original members, including the family I stayed with, actually remembered her, and were so excited to hear that I’m her daughter. It was pretty surreal for some reason. I was getting into the mood of it so to speak, putting scarves in my hair and wearing long flowy skirts, and I felt like I was reliving my mother’s life for a couple of days. The women even made the blessing over the Shabbat candles using the same tune as my mom does, and as I always do. I’ve always known it was a carleback tune, but I’ve never heard anyone else sing it, so that was pretty moving. Also, the fact that I was there over succot only amplified the hippiness of it – I slept outside in their gorgeous succah, which actually felt like I was inside the “I Dream of Genie” bottle, since it was made of lots of cloths and tapestries and beads, and I spent pretty much the whole time lounging around outside, sipping on beers, singing songs, and feeling the love. I can totally understand what my mom saw in this place when she was younger, and even though I don’t think I could live that lifestyle on a regular basis, it just feels nice to be around that kind of environment for a bit. I definitely recommend it to anyone who is coming to Israel for vacation. A Shabbat there is like a retreat at a natural spa I think, except with some added love and spirituality in the mix.
So, that weekend was great, and would have been perfect if not for some other things going on in my personal life, which is the reason for the whole polar opposites thing I mentioned above. I don’t really want to go into detail, but suffice it to say, I had to simultaneously deal with a very difficult decision/reality, so while I tried my best to just be in the moment and sing with my friends, I had to occasionally run off to the woods and cry by myself. I actually sang a bit on my own while I cried, there’s a song about crying out from the depths, (it was apropos for several reasons in this case,) and I guess when I was in that singing mode, it was only appropriate to cry out my sadness as well. At least I was in the woods so no one could think I was crazy. But that’s how life goes, I think. Too much extreme happiness isn’t really natural, nor is extreme sadness. So maybe it’s a good thing I balanced it out. Or maybe I’m just trying to make myself feel better. Either way, it was very hard, and I’m quite proud of myself for being able to enjoy the weekend, even as I was feeling so lost. There’s actually some sort of rule that you’re not allowed to let yourself get sad over succot, since it’s supposed to be the happiest time of year – if someone passes away over the holiday, they actually put off the shiva until afterwards. So I tried my best to stay positive, but what can I say, I’m not that religious. I needed to cry. Of course, that was only a few days ago, so I’m still dealing, but I’m putting my faith in time’s healing powers, and hopefully I can get through this time an even stronger person. I hardly ever know if I am actually doing the right thing, and right now is no exception. Thankfully I have really supportive friends here, but that’s just not always enough. But whatever, nothing is set in stone, things will work out. I will be ok....I need to be. OK, enough ambiguous/sad talk. Sorry. Just needed to get some of that out into cyberspace for some reason.
The day after I got back from the Moshav, I moved to my new apartment, which I love love love. I am now living much closer to school, with the girls I am closest to, so that’s a huge relief. Also, my roommate Esther is moving here with me, so that makes it even better. And ready for the best part? I HAVE INTERNET HERE! Yes, I am now posting this blog from my back porch. We only get wireless outside (ok, we’re stealing it form someone, but really, it’s their fault for not securing it,) so if it rains I’m out of luck. But yay, I can skype now! Anyone wanna skype??
Monday night was chag again – shmini atzeret, which is the day after Succot, and Simchat Torah, which is when we celebrate finishing reading the Torah and starting it again. I was in Nachlaot for the holiday, with that family I wrote about a few posts ago when I talked about that awesome Shabbat. It was very chilled out and relaxed, and they also have an incredibly cute three and a half year old son, (who reminded us he was three and a half about 500 times,) so I had a good time there. I read a couple of their books on quantum physics (I am now an expert in quarks and energy and spin and motion and all other aspects of the universe. Go ahead, quiz me. Did you know that quarks exist in more than one state at the exact same time? As in, spinning in 2 different directions at once? Makes no sense, right? Ah, depends on what you mean by sense. I LOVE this stuff. I should be a physicist. Damn all that math..). (please excuse my extreme parenthesizing. I tend to do that. Like right now.) Simchat Torah here is also extremely fun. I remember back home when we would go to shul and dance with the Torah, and I always really enjoyed that, but here in Israel, they do it in overdrive. They dance for at least 3 hours straight, both at night and in the morning. Then, they do it all over again the next night, only this time it’s with massive parties and bands outdoors since for them, yomtov is only one day, so they can play music already. It was so cool to be outside, dancing around on a huge basketball court with hundreds of people from who knows where, religious and secular alike. Simcha dancing is so different from dancing at clubs and things...it’s like you’re dancing with your whole soul rather than with your body, and it’s just very uplifting, especially when you’re holding hands with people you’ve never met, and just swirling around in circles with them for hours. Also, we made smores on a campfire in the park that night as well. Mmmm smores.
Actually, there was one thing that bothered me about simchat torah. On this holiday, everyone takes the torah scrolls out of the ark, and dances around with them, holding them tight, lifting them up in the air, and passing them around. Usually they are treated with much more respect than that, but on this day, they become like one of your friends who you are throwing around the circle. I guess that’s neat about Judaism, that we are supposed to feel so close to it that it’s accessible and real for us, rather than this holy thing that stays in an ark all the time. But something about it didn’t sit well with me. I was never bothered by this before, but this time, I noticed quite a few girls holding the Torah and crying. I duno, it rubbed me the wrong way. Felt kind of pagan, to be honest. Here we are, a religion that believes that G-d can be represented by no object, dancing around this thing made of animal skin and crying over it. I don’t mean to be insensitive, but I guess I just felt like I was in that scene in the frisco kid when Gene Wilder dances with the Native Americans around his Torah scroll. Especially when people started drumming out beats on random tables and chairs, and singing about the rain, and it really starts to feel like we should have a campfire and virgin sacrifices going on or something. I also thought of the sin of the golden calf, how the Jews were punished so severely in the desert for dancing around this representation they had made of G-d (the commentators say they never actually worshipped the calf, they just wanted to have some kind of physical representation to serve as an intermediary with G-d, since Moshe seemed to be taking too much time up on the mountain and they thought he was never coming back,) and here we were, dancing around and crying over this physical thing. I know, the Torah is paramount in religious Judaism, as it is considered G-d’s word, and does represent our direct connection to Him and His commandments. But come on. Stop crying over it. Just have fun, don’t act like you’re in a revival meeting. I would have felt much more comfortable dancing without it there, to be honest. I did get to hold it at one point, and I did my part, lifted it up and down, swung it around. But it’s not like I had some sudden religious experience or anything. I actually find it kind of dangerous for people to start feeling all their spirituality in these moments of dizzy spinning and physical movement. I understand it, I mean it’s natural for your physical state to affect your emotions and mental state, and we even know that the prophets used to dance in order to gain prophecy, so there’s certainly something holy that’s supposed to go on in that. But I just think people take it too far. The one person whose tears I understood was my friend, who is a convert. Last year on simchat torah, she was not allowed to hold the Torah yet, as she was not yet Jewish, and apparently that’s some sort of law. So this time, when she got to hold it, she pretty much burst out in tears. I asked her afterwards what that was about, and told her about some of my concerns, and she explained that it wasn’t because the scroll itself was so meaningful or important, but rather just the idea that she can finally fully join in and participate in the religion she loves so much. This year is her first time keeping all the holidays as a Jew, and it’s pretty amazing to go through it with her, since she really feels so inspired and connected to every little thing right now. Anyway, the point is, I get uncomfortable when people cry over objects. The Torah is great, but it’s not an object, and to me, the representation of it, while it should certainly be respected, should not be the thing that suddenly inspires tears in those who get to hug it and dance around with it for a while. It should be fun, meaningful, exciting, sure. But tears make me uncomfortable. (says the girl who has cried thousands of tears over the past couple of months....ah, hypocrisy.)
For the second day of yomtov, which isn’t a holiday here in Israel, I went to the Old City with my friend, and we ate by a family that was visiting for the holidays, and hosting about a hundred American seminary girls who needed a place for second day. That was fun, except for the fact that during dessert, they had a guy stand up and speak to us about politics and terrorism and biased journalism and elections and whatnot. That bothered my friend and me a LOT. I felt like someone who got tricked into a timeshare discussion. I was there for good (free) food and company, not for some political talk. Needless to say, when they started handing out pamphlets about the settlements, it was time for us to go. I guess in Israel, the politics of the land will simply always be there, whether you’re celebrating a chag or not. It’s a constant. Still, I think there’s a time and a place for such talk, and while I’m totally comfortable discussing it over a meal, I think a man standing up in front of 100 girls in the middle of dessert to tell them his views on Hamas and the media is just wrong. We’re actually planning on calling up the person who sponsored the event (a well-known name here in Jerusalem who really does a lot for visiting American students and who actually provided me with some of my plane ticket to come here,) to let him know about what went on. Not sure what will come of that, but at least we’ll make him aware of it, and maybe he can let the family know in the future that that’s not really so appropriate in that kind of setting.
Tomorrow I am heading up north with some friends, and we’ll eventually end up in Tzfat, which is a really holy city up north, where a lot of the kabbalist rabbis used to live and learn. That should be an interesting time. I’m actually going to be staying with someone there who is an artist, and I bought a necklace from him two years ago that is still one of my favorite pieces of jewelry. Maybe I’ll buy some more stuff. Probably not, considering I am on an extremely tight budget right now....the kind where you try and live on like 10 shekels a day. Speaking of money, I think I have a job now, sort of. The family I stayed with in Nachlaot has a few dot-com businesses and they need help with writing and marketing, so they said they would hire me part-time. Yay money! Boo economic crisis!
I’m gonna upload some pictures from the past while, and also there will probably be a bunch more tagged on facebook over the next few days, so you can check out those if you want some more pictoral evidence of what I’ve been up to. I’ll also try and post a couple of videos on here – one of birkat hacohanim at the kotel, which was a pretty incredible experience, and of havdalah and maybe some dancing at the moshav. (for now I’ll just post this and then I’ll put the pictures up at some point in the near future, since I have no time at the moment. Check back within a few days or so.)
Loooove,
Shira
