The Shofar blowing was an interesting moment. It was certainly sub-par, as I’m used to hearing only extreme expertise in that from my Dad. When my Dad blows Shofar, it’s always so loud and strong, like a real call to wake up, to battle, to something mighty and majestic. This time, the sound was much thinner, quieter, and almost whiney. (Actually, it says in the prayers if you read the English, that the call of the Shofar is a “thin, still voice,” which is interesting I think, considering I always associated it with such might, but I learned that that means that it stands out as the only individual “voice” we hear out of a day of communal singing and prayer.) Anyway, the good part about it was that usually, when I hear my Dad, I am filled with pride, and I just watch him and I watch the people coming up to him afterwards to tell him that he’s made their Rosh Hashana complete, and think how lucky I am that I’m the daughter of the Shofar blower, which is a nice feeling. This time, since I had no connection to the guy, nor did I particularly enjoy the sound of it, nor could I even see him doing it since I was behind an opaque divider, I had to connect to it in an entirely different and new way. I had to really think about what that sound means, why the sounds are done precisely in that way, in that order, and what it is actually “waking me up” to do. It became more of a meditative moment than a proud one, which I suppose is what I need right now, anyway. So, yes, I missed your blowing, Dad, but I think I actually was able to gain from this kind of experience as well, fortunately.
The meals were amazingly delicious, but I ended up eating way too much as a result...good thing today is a fast day. (and David’s hebrew birthday...yom huledet sameach, bro :)) There’s also a fun part at the beginning, where you eat different kinds of fruits and vegetables for different blessings on the year, and it feels a bit like a pesach seder, actually. (more than just dipping apple in honey and having some pomegranate seeds – you eat several different things, those are really only a couple of them.) Maybe we did that when I was little, but I didn’t remember it, so it was a nice little surprise element to the meals. Oh, and I ate some fish head. Mmmm. Fish smarts.
All in all, a great start to the year. I missed everyone back home, but I really got to do some much-needed introspection and reflection, as well as fill up on yummy food at 4 different meals. Good times.
So now I’ve got ten days to yom kippur. I’ve got a lot of thinking to do, figuring out what I need to fix, who I need to apologize to, what I need to improve on. I’m considering posting something on that, but it might end up being too personal. We’ll see.
I’ve been reading some of Rav Hirsch’s writings with one of my close friends here, which is really interesting stuff. He wrote in the late 1800’s in Germany, when the Reform movement started, and he was basically writing in a very rational, enlightenment-oriented style, to appeal to those of his generation, who were assimilating more and more because they felt it was more important to be like the Germans than to be like Jews had traditionally been. His main philosophy was “torah im derech eretz”: torah with decency or being a good person (learning, with an emphasis on moral action). He believed that once we give up our basic beliefs and laws to be like everyone else, we basically become everyone else, and slowly erase ourselves, our essences – kind of like the American melting pot idea, which many have taken issue with. He was certainly a modern man, and a very intelligent one at that, but he warned against sacrificing our very existence as a Jewish people, which so many generations have struggled and strived so hard to preserve, for the illusory benefits of “blending in” completely with those around us. It’s all about balance: taking the good, leaving the bad, and being proud of who we are rather than ashamed and hiding it behind ceremonies and services that are made to look and sound and feel just like a Church service would. The cool part is that it really could have been written today – the same issues are prevalent in society, the same tensions exist between wanting to uphold tradition while simultaneously blending in with everyone else, the same arguments hold. It’s something even the most observant people struggle with, and certainly something I am struggling to work out as well in my own life. I certainly have several problems with some things he said, he has a very harsh and sarcastic tone at times, so I really don’t know how effective he could have been back then, but it was still extremely interesting to read, especially in light of what happened to the communities he was speaking to and warning, about half a century later. Ramaz was actually really big on Rav Hirsch, they quoted him all the time, which makes a lot more sense to me now that I’ve actually taken some time to read what he wrote.
On that note - I really like how much learning I’m getting done. Every single day I’m in classes, and if not, I’m reading something with friends, or talking about deep things with them. Conversations don’t revolve around gossip anymore, or the latest movies or TV episodes. Sure, we get silly, we have our chilled out times, not everything has to be intense. But not a day goes by that I don’t work my brain. I really think that learning is undervalued in society today. Sure, it’s given lip-service, and we all say and are taught that education is important. We spend thousands of dollars on college and grad school, where, presumably, we are meant to learn things. But what about after that? How many people actually go on to make it a priority in their lives to continue learning, in a constant and regular way? We all know people who love to read, and that’s great, but for many of them, is that more out of a thirst for knowledge, or just for entertainment? How many people make it a set thing that every single day, to some time to grow intellectually? I know plenty of people who make it a priority to go to the gym every day, work on their bodies so they can be physically fit. Of course that’s important, as is eating right every day, or telling your loved ones you love them every day. These are things that many people do consciously commit themselves to do, as they should – physical health, emotional connection to others. But knowledge? It’s simply not as likely that your average Joe Shmoe, or even your entirely un-average high-ranking business man or doctor or lawyer or anything else, will commit himself to reading something deep and intellectual for an hour a day, or to meet with a friend and discuss real issues and ideas. (And I don’t mean cnn.com – current events are one thing; intellectual and self-awareness is another.) People get so caught up in their lives, the daily grind, the feeling that they just need to keep spinning around the wheel, that they lose sight of the power they have in their own heads to imbue even their everyday lives with light and meaning and intelligence. I’m no exception; of course, I’m talking to myself here as well. And even for those still in college, how many people are really there for the pure pursuit of knowledge, rather than in order to gain a way of making money? I liked to say that I loved learning, I certainly believed I did. But what was I doing when I didn’t have work to do for a grade? Watching TV, going to parties, maybe once in a blue moon heading to the gym. I loved learning, but the pressures surrounding it were so great, that all my free time was spent resting and detoxing from it. That’s not what I mean by spending time learning – I don’t mean for a grade or for a career or to impress others with what you know or for entertainment. I mean for the sole purpose of knowing more, of growing your mind, and growing as a person as a result. I’m not saying everyone is like this, but I think most people are; learning has become something relegated to the years we spend in learning institutions, for external purposes, rather than a daily pursuit for the betterment of our entire lives. Right now, I am experiencing true learning for learning’s sake, and I’m loving it. I’m surrounded by people who are just as excited to sit with me and read, just as inspired by new pieces of information, just as focused on expanding their horizons and intellects. I hope I can take this with me when I leave here, surround myself with people who are just as into it as I am, and continue to live in this way, in constant pursuit of knowledge, because it feels so right to me.
So that’s what I’ve been thinking about.
Oh, and btw, I cut my hair. I wanted to try something new for the new year, something different from my usual. Pictures below – don’t hate! It'll grow! :) (the other girls are Yomi and Erika, 2 close friends here.)
Love, shira
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