The last couple of months have been, in a word, wonderful.
I was a madricha on the UPenn MEOR Israel trip, which went really, really well. I met incredible people, had deep and meaningful conversations, and was able to teach, learn, and grow throughout. The touring was fun as well, though I’ve been to most of the places we went to already, such as Ein Gedi, Eilat, and the Dead Sea. The real fun was in the mornings, when I learned together with the students. I’ve heard many of the concepts before, especially having been on the trip as a student myself, but it’s still invigorating and refreshing to hear it all again from this new perspective, having learned and lived it for the past several months. The students were inquisitive, challenging, and stubborn – which made it all the more exciting to learn alongside them. I had my moments of difficulty, such as when people would doubt my intentions or my resolve in terms of my own life choices. But in the end, those moments made me stronger, and I feel blessed to have been given the opportunity to test my own convictions, knowledge, rationality, and heart. I believe I passed.
After the trip, a few students chose to stay longer to learn for a couple more weeks, so the other madricha and I put together a whole other learning program for them. That was definitely a bit of a logistical maze, as well as a financial nightmare, but we persevered, and made it happen. It went very well, and I was even able to run a couple of the workshops myself, which was great. I also was in charge of putting together all the Shabbat plans – I brought my girls to three extremely different experiences, each with its positive and negative aspects. The most important thing, I felt, was that they get a sense of different communities, and different ways of doing things. There is no one way to be a Jew, to keep Torah, to observe Shabbat. Diversity is so important, and while many people have the misconception that to be religious, Jewish or otherwise, means to become narrow-minded and singular in ones approach to life, I have made it my business to try and debunk this unfortunate myth. Of course there are reasons why such an idea exists – but it is not the Judaism I practice, and is certainly not the one I would recommend to any healthy person. The point is to be who you are, not who someone else tells you to be. To express yourself, not to express people who have no connection to you or your circumstances. I could go on and on about this, but yeah, that’s why I wanted to bring them to families who keep Shabbat in a variety of ways. Not everyone agreed with every type of household, and not everyone felt comfortable in every setting. I think that’s fine, in fact, I think that’s great - as long as one knows how to be respectful either way, and not judge others. No one does it “right” or “wrong”. Everyone just does, and is, and exists, and has a right to the respect of everyone around them. My girls learned that – and had a great time, as well.
OK that’s enough about that. Sorry, I just get into these things.
What else…oh yes, I got a job! Starting in September, I will be teaching Kindergarten/1st grade on the upper west side of Manhattan. I’m extremely excited about this. I’m going to wait to write about it until I know more details. But yay!
Since the end of the learning program, I have been back at She’arim, which is the seminary I have been in all year. I really love it here. I am so close with the girls here, as well as the teachers, and it just feels like a second home to me now. It’s so nice to have a place so far away that will always feel so close by. I know that for the rest of my life, anytime I come to Israel, which will be extremely often, I will have a place where people know me, and are happy to see me. I also love learning here. I just feel so much more in tune with myself when I can sit and focus, concentrate, discuss, question, delve deeply into concepts without fear of rejection or ridicule. I’ll be here for another few weeks, and I’m definitely trying to make the most of it before having to return to the states, where it will be much harder to make the time and space for this kind of thing, especially when juggling a job and possibly grad school. I also happen to be in an incredible living situation, rooming with one of my best friends, and enjoying the seniority of having been at the school since September. All in all, I love where I am.
As for the learning itself - I’ve been doing a lot of independent study lately, reading very interesting contemporary texts, some more troubling than others, regarding issues I am still tackling in terms of philosophy, life, priorities, etc. It’s a challenge to be sure, but an extremely rewarding one. I am left constantly questioning my beliefs and decisions, which is so important. I think that the day I stop questioning would be the day I lose my hold on myself, and on reality. I don’t feel like getting more specific, since I’ll probably just sound like a child trying to explain nuclear physics. But while I may not always understand, and I may not always feel comfortable with the conclusions I draw, at least I know that I am doing my research, putting in the effort that I can, and making informed decisions for myself. I know that in the end I can't have all the answers, and I never will. I’m only human after all, and there will always be someone smarter, someone more eloquent, someone more convincing towards their way of life or their opinions and ideas. I guess I just have to trust myself and my instincts, and live accordingly, all the while constantly reexamining my own foundations. Of course, this can get tricky when the ultimate goal is to give to others. That balance of self and other is one I still need to work on striking. But hey, it’s a process. A long one.
Ezra has also been here for the past several weeks, which has been amazing. I love having him nearby, even if we don’t speak or see each other every day. We are so rarely even in the same city, and it’s a comfort just being in the same time zone as him. His parents came to visit as well, and that was really fun. We hung out, went out to eat at my favorite restaurant, drank wine, etc. It was so nice of them to come here – they’re wonderful people. Clearly the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree.
Shavua Tov, everyone. Thanks for reading this long overdue post.
Love,
Shira
