I just had an incredible Shabbat, and I really want to just write about it, hope that's ok.
Since I'm living in a pretty Charedi neighborhood right now, it's nice to get out once in a while and be reminded that there are plenty of fully observant communities who don't identify as "charedi". I didn't even really know what the term actually means until very recently -- I just figured it meant ultra-orthodox, which has its own negative connotations I think. (I've heard the term used as a bad word before...pretty intolerant in my opinion, but based on stereotypes that I myself grew up with, so I can understand where the sentiment comes from.) Anyway, this weekend, I spent shabbat in a community called Nachlaot, which is in Jerusalem, right behind Machane Yehudah (the main marketplace, which is right smack in the middle of the city). The people who live there are from diverse backgrounds, culturally and religiously. Some are not observant, others are. The thing they all have in common is a love of Torah. Let me explain what I mean by that.
The shul there is called "kol rinah." It is a Carlbach minyan, which, for anyone who doesn't know, means that they sing a lot, and get really into it. For instance, the Friday night service goes on for about an hour and a half bc they spend so much time just dancing around and enjoying it. They don't rush through things. They take their time, loving every moment. The cool thing is that it doesn't feel like it takes a long time. It feels just right, actually, at least for me. I've never been one to really enjoy davening, I guess I'm just not the type who connects to it so much, but I do love to sing and dance. I love feeling that sense of community, connectedness, and joy.
Then we went to dinner. This was my favorite part of the weekend. I've been to Carlbach minyans before, but I've never been to a home like this one. My experiences in religious homes in Israel thus far have been pretty uniform, but this one just broke all the conventions, and I absolutely loved it. It actually opened my eyes and made me realize that if I do end up becoming more observant, I can do it in a way that feels right to me, rather than just doing what I've seen in Har Nof or anywhere for that matter. This family just kind of did their own thing, and it was awesome.
Our hosts were a relatively young couple, with one young son who I never got to meet bc he was upstairs sleeping. There were 15 guests, but it felt like so much fewer, as we all really got a chance to know one another well by the end of the meal. The couple is a bit hippyish, but in a down to earth way -- lots of pottery and wicker in the house (which was an absolutely gorgeous place, btw) and a kitchen with different knobs on every cabinet door. It was funky, but understated funky. I liked it a lot. Anyway, we sit down, and both husband and wife sat at the head of the table, together. I already knew this was gonna be a little different, as I've gotten used to the standard man on one end, woman on the other shtick around here, and I've always felt that when I get married, I'll want to sit next to my husband, not so far away. So when I saw that, I was like, sweet. They get it.
So then he makes kiddush. Then we all got up to wash, and came back for hamotzi, the blessing over the bread, and she made the blessing. This is a big deal. I always thought that in religious homes, men make the blessings and that's that. I figured it was just some law. So when I saw her do that, I immediately turned to my friend and mouthed, "that's allowed??" and she's like, "yeah..." Needless to say, I was very excited at this point. Here was this family, breaking convention, but still keeping it within tradition and halacha. That's one of my biggest concerns with being Orthodox, actually. I'm a modern girl, in a modern world, and I want to stay that way, while also getting more in touch with G-d and Torah and tradition. I know I can, I've never doubted that I can. But it's nice to be in homes once in a while where they actually do that, kind of gives me a boost.
Anyway, back to the meal. So she finished hamotzi, and the meal began, which was delicious. It was vegetarian, and one of the best meals I've ever had. Definitely getting recipes. Then they everyone introduce themselves and say something, like a d'var torah, or just something nice. I've seen this done before, and I've always liked the way it gets everyone included. So we went around, and everyone said something, mostly about the upcoming holidays, a bit on the parsha this week, some philosophical thoughts from the intellectuals, and a couple just spoke about how it felt to be in shul that night, dancing with people they had never met. (I told them the thing I learned about the word "tzibur", from my previous post. They liked it. :) )The cool part was hearing where everyone was coming from. Most of the guests had not grown up religious, either reform, or didn't identify as anything, and one was Christian. We were all from different places, had different reasons for being here. Some learning, some visiting, some just planned to come for a bit but ended up staying, some at university, some having no clue. And yet there we all were, at the same table, telling each other stories and words of wisdom, and enjoying our connection to one another. It was just....nice. The whole meal was spent with everyone at the table listening to everyone else. No side convos or chit chat, no gossiping or discussing the latest stupid thing this or that politician did or said. Just real thoughts, real relating to one another.
After dinner, we stayed and chatted with our hosts for a while. They were so chill, and so real. You know how some people are just really genuine? That was them. They run a business together, (interior design,) and he learns at a kollel (which is like a yeshiva for adults) and she teaches also. The cool thing is that he pays to learn at his kollel. (Most kollels actually pay their students to learn, very very little, but still. This couple said that they want to pay because they feel that it's wrong to have someone pay you to learn something, and that they want to earn their own living, and have learning be a privilege rather than a pseudo-job. I can't tell you how refreshing it is to hear a different point of view on that.) They also told me about why they don't identify as "charedi": for them, Judaism is about love of Torah, which does not imply disdain of the secular world. Their community is full of people who don't keep halacha in the same ways, but they all love learning, and they all love living their lives ethically and in ways that really contribute to family and individual health and happiness. I know, I'm gushing a bit here. But I really loved it.
The next day, today, we had a meal at my friend's friend's apartment, where we were staying. It was really nice, and she had a few people over as well. It was also refreshing to be around just people my age for a shabbat meal. I liked being able to hang out, not necessarily be on best behavior and all. We had a nice time, sang, talked, enjoyed each others company, and filled up with yummy food. I think this is my favorite thing about Shabbat -- the sense of community and togetherness it fosters. Of course there are tons of great things about it -- rest, peace, thinking clearly, connecting. But the part that really gets me going are the meals. I just love connecting people. I can't wait to have my own shabbat table that I can invite my friends and family to, so I can serve them delicious food and talk about real things with the people I love. You're all invited. Unless I don't know you. In which case, hi, I'm Shira.
After the meal, I read a bit about rosh hashana with my friend. We read some cool things I didn't know, but I already did a whole post on R"H so I'll refrain now. :) I took a long nap, which felt nice, and then it was over before I knew it.
So, yea. A great shabbat, all in all. I really need to get out more. There are just so many ways to do this. I know it's much harder to find that type of community in America, but at least I know it's out there.
Yay diversity! :)
Shavua Tov!
love, shira
