Tonight is my last Sunday night in NY before I leave for Israel. (Next week, I'll be in Chicago until Monday.)
My mom told me today that I tend to do these countdowns. I count all the lasts - last time I watch a movie on-demand, last shabbat at home, last sunday, monday, wednesday, friday, last time I fall asleep in this or that bed, last time I wake up in this or that country, last time I hug this or that person, parent, friend, boy.
Dramatic, yes. I'm aware. Nothing is really ending, after all. In several months from now, I'll be right back here again, sitting on this same white canvas couch, watching TV and wondering where the time went. But it feels like things are changing, and fast. It feels like when I get on that airplane in 10 days, I'll be leaving more than just a city behind. I'll be in a new reality, a place where people are thinking about more than their grades or careers or paychecks. A place where people are thinking, period. Discussing, questioning, answering. It'll be amazing, I'm sure...but intense, and perhaps life-changing. What if I get back, and everything is different? It's a big enough departure, at least, to count-down to.
I went shopping at Century 21 today - bought some new shirts and sweaters and skirts for Israel. I have to dress more modestly there, and I'm not one to turn down a good excuse for new clothing. It was kind of surreal. Turning down this shirt for being too low-cut, this skirt for being too high. Making sure to have things to wear under and over and in-between all the spaces that might show too much skin. Exhausting. Nerve-wracking, actually. I hope I don't become so caught up in inches of fabric that I lose the bigger picture. I doubt I will, but then, I've met some people who never meant to, but have. I know the details matter. But every now and then, the details get in the way, especially when all you want to do is wear your favorite new sundress. Mmph.
Anyway, this past weekend was really nice - spent it in Maryland with Ezra's family, and Taryn joined us as well. We ate, we sang, we walked, we played Scrabble. (Ez won, somehow beating my 60-point lead. Argh.) And now I'm back in Brooklyn, sitting on my couch and waiting to get tired enough to fall asleep. I'm heading to Chicago for the first time on Tuesday to help Ez move into a new place, and generally figure out how to say goodbye to him. I have no idea how I'm actually going to get through that one. But neither does he, so I suppose we're in the same boat. Then again, having someone else with you in a sinking boat doesn't make it any less terrifying.
So those are my thoughts for the evening. The movie August Rush just ended on TV. Cheesy, in my opinion. But pretty.
Layla Tov.
S
ps I changed the look of my blog...I'll probably end up doing that a few times, pay no attention, I just have trouble sticking to design decisions.
pps If you got an email alert that I made a new post and you don't want them, let me know. And if you didn't get one and you do want one, let me know that, too.
