Well, here I am. Sitting in the same cafe I was in about a month and a half ago (actually right outside of it - they're cleaning the floors). Unfortunately, I'm not in the greatest of moods.
For several reasons, this was the first time I ever landed in Israel and didn't feel that elated sense of coming home, that feeling that I was finally back in the right place. No, this time I just felt sad, lonely, homesick, and all the rest. And it hasn't gotten better yet. I guess I feel further away than ever, now that I'm surrounded by people who are somewhat different from me, and in a setting comepletely foreign. At least ofver the summer I was with people I knew from Penn. Now, I live with 5 girls who are all pretty religious, one of whom is engaged. They are all incredibly sweet, but I just don't feel like I fit in yet. The apartment is nice, good sized kitchen and livingroom, two bathrooms, three bedrooms. I have a roommate named Esther from Florida, and our view is spectacular. (I'll try to post pics if my battery doesn't run out first). All around, things are good here, so I know I should be in a better mood. Maybe it has something to do with last night's sleeplessness. I got hit with the worst case of jetlag ever, and didn't end up sleeping a wink until around 8 am. I read a whole book, counted to 600 in my head, made some phone calls, and thought WAY too much about how much time I would be spending so far from home. Is it childish to be homesick? Especially after one day?
When I first got here, I plopped my things down and went straight to Shearim. I was too exhausted to go to classes, so I just met with the administrator and she took me to buy myself some food and then back home to nap, which I shouldn't have done. Everyone has been really welcoming, but it's just not helping yet. I know I need to stick it out, I know the holidays will be great, and either way, I have to give it a real chance. But right now, all I want to do is come home.
On another note, I wanted to write about smething cool I read. I'm reading a book by Gerald Schroeder, who has a PhD in Physics from MIT, and is an orthodox Jew. He writes about the connections between science and G-d, and although they can get a bit technical and over my head, I enjoy them a lot. Anyway the one I am reading now is basically jsut about the intricacies of physics and biology in the world, and I just read something that really made me think. So, you know how we all learned that atoms are made of 99.9999% empty space? So that in intself is pretty cool if you think about it, which I'm sure everyone has at some point -- everything solid that we touch feel see is really mostly empty space. As in, 99.99999% emopty space. So that initself is cool enough, but then you can take it even further with quantum physics, which tells us that even that part that we think of as "solid" -- the proton/neutron nucleus of the atom - is really itself made up of smaller "particles" - like photons - which are basiclly just vibrating strings of energy. Ask any quantum physicist what the world is made of and he/she will tell you that it is basically just a whole lot of energy, neatly mushed up together in ways that make us percieve it as solid, stable objects. A whole world of energy. I'm sure I'm not fully grapsing it, but still, it's pretty cool when you think about it....almost spiritual. What's really actually here? Not that energy isn't real, but we don't even really know what it is to begin with. So what do we actualyl know in this world? Our emotions and thoughts? Aren't those composed of that same energy? Hm.
OK I have to go. I'll try to post more in a couple of days. Hopefully Shabbat will cheer me up a bit.
shabbat shalom,
Shira
For several reasons, this was the first time I ever landed in Israel and didn't feel that elated sense of coming home, that feeling that I was finally back in the right place. No, this time I just felt sad, lonely, homesick, and all the rest. And it hasn't gotten better yet. I guess I feel further away than ever, now that I'm surrounded by people who are somewhat different from me, and in a setting comepletely foreign. At least ofver the summer I was with people I knew from Penn. Now, I live with 5 girls who are all pretty religious, one of whom is engaged. They are all incredibly sweet, but I just don't feel like I fit in yet. The apartment is nice, good sized kitchen and livingroom, two bathrooms, three bedrooms. I have a roommate named Esther from Florida, and our view is spectacular. (I'll try to post pics if my battery doesn't run out first). All around, things are good here, so I know I should be in a better mood. Maybe it has something to do with last night's sleeplessness. I got hit with the worst case of jetlag ever, and didn't end up sleeping a wink until around 8 am. I read a whole book, counted to 600 in my head, made some phone calls, and thought WAY too much about how much time I would be spending so far from home. Is it childish to be homesick? Especially after one day?
When I first got here, I plopped my things down and went straight to Shearim. I was too exhausted to go to classes, so I just met with the administrator and she took me to buy myself some food and then back home to nap, which I shouldn't have done. Everyone has been really welcoming, but it's just not helping yet. I know I need to stick it out, I know the holidays will be great, and either way, I have to give it a real chance. But right now, all I want to do is come home.
On another note, I wanted to write about smething cool I read. I'm reading a book by Gerald Schroeder, who has a PhD in Physics from MIT, and is an orthodox Jew. He writes about the connections between science and G-d, and although they can get a bit technical and over my head, I enjoy them a lot. Anyway the one I am reading now is basically jsut about the intricacies of physics and biology in the world, and I just read something that really made me think. So, you know how we all learned that atoms are made of 99.9999% empty space? So that in intself is pretty cool if you think about it, which I'm sure everyone has at some point -- everything solid that we touch feel see is really mostly empty space. As in, 99.99999% emopty space. So that initself is cool enough, but then you can take it even further with quantum physics, which tells us that even that part that we think of as "solid" -- the proton/neutron nucleus of the atom - is really itself made up of smaller "particles" - like photons - which are basiclly just vibrating strings of energy. Ask any quantum physicist what the world is made of and he/she will tell you that it is basically just a whole lot of energy, neatly mushed up together in ways that make us percieve it as solid, stable objects. A whole world of energy. I'm sure I'm not fully grapsing it, but still, it's pretty cool when you think about it....almost spiritual. What's really actually here? Not that energy isn't real, but we don't even really know what it is to begin with. So what do we actualyl know in this world? Our emotions and thoughts? Aren't those composed of that same energy? Hm.
OK I have to go. I'll try to post more in a couple of days. Hopefully Shabbat will cheer me up a bit.
shabbat shalom,
Shira
